World O' Bonk

A Miniature Schnauzer with Attitude

This is my world, welcome to it.

Who I Am

Okay, if you haven't realized it by now, I am a male Miniature Schnauzer. I am what is called a Salt & Pepper. This term describes my coloring. My body fur is medium gray (in Salt & Peppers, it can run from dark to light gray) and my beard, leg and underbelly fur are all blonde. I stand about 14 inches high and I weigh almost 20 pounds. My tail is stubby. It was docked when I was a tiny puppy, but Jennifer and Allan took me home before my ears were cropped (trimmed so they stand at point) or trained to fold down. They really like my ears au natural, they feel their size gives my face character and expression, so no folding glue or scissors for my ears. Whew, what a relief. They also like my beard and eyebrows long, but I tend to chew at my leg fur and I hate brushings, so they keep the rest of my coat shaved.

Personality wise, I am a pretty happy-go-lucky guy. I am very outgoing and I love to meet people. However, I consider it my duty to protect my family. For instance, I never let Daddy sneak up on Mommy. I always bark at him to stop it. I also know the difference between the neighbors coming home and a stranger at our door.

I tend to be a little shy around other dogs. I learned to be because one of our neighbor's dogs, another male Miniature Schnauzer,did not like me at all. Whenever he saw me, he would lunge at me, barking madly like he wanted to tear my throat out. That was really scary. I have some dog friends now, but it took me awhile to warm up to them.

Also, I love to talk. I bark, I yip, I howl and I yodel, depending on the situation. My parents swear I can howl "where were yooouuuu?" I use that in greeting them when they come home, or when I'm saying hi to my people friends.

My one major personality flaw is that I can be very stubborn. Occasionally, if I do not like what someone is telling me to do, I will avert my face and pretend I do not hear him. I usually do this when Daddy (Allan) orders me off the couch and Mommy is there, eating something yummy.

Some of my favorite things are my dog bed, my puppy, lamb & rice biscuits and tennis balls. My dog bed is in my parents' room, next to their bed. It has a warm blanket and pillows on it, too, so it is extra cushy. When I'm mad the parents for kicking me off their bed, I huff and throw the pillows around.

My puppy is a nubby brown stuffed animal. When I was little, I was scared of him. Allan would prop him up in the hallway to keep me from going into the bedrooms. Now, anytime I'm frustrated, I drag him out of my toy box and shake him around really hard by the leg or his ear, then I lay down and chew on him. I also like to carry him with me or use him as a pillow.

One of my favorite games involves the lamb & rice biscuits. I love hide and seek. My parents hide the biscuits in various places; some high, some low, some hard, some easy. Then they let me out of their bedroom, to look for them. It never takes me very long to find them, even when the biscuits are hid in pockets or boxes. I also like to play hide and seek with people. Only, instead of nibbling on them, I bark like mad when I find someone. Another of my favorite games is doggie soccer. I kick around one tennis ball with my paws, darting all over the place, while holding another ball in my mouth. The game is over when both of the balls roll underneath the couch.

My most favorite place to go is Grandma and Grandpa's house. It is my favorite place to go because Grandpa has a great big yard, Grandma always gives me treats, and Sammie lives there.

Sammie is my best dog friend. She is a terrier mix who loves to play catch. Really, she is obsessive those tennis balls. At first, I didn't like Sammie much because she had very sharp puppy teeth. I would never nip back since I knew she was a baby, so Allan or Jennifer would rescue me by picking me up to keep me out of Sammie's range. Eventually, though, she stopped biting me and now we're the best of pals.

Sammie has a sister named Sadie. Sadie is a black cocker spaniel. She likes to get in my face to nip and sniff my beard. Sometimes she won't leave me alone. She's still young so I just growl at her when she won't let me be. There is also a cat named Arcadia at Sammie's house. She sleeps in the laundry room and will scratch your nose if you get too close.

Once, when I was still young, I stayed with Grandma and Grandpa for a whole week. This was before Sammie, when their Yorkie, Duke, was still alive. He was really old and didn't like to play much. The only time we got along was when Grandma Pat made chocolate chip cookies. It took me a couple of times to catch on, but I learned to be at the oven when that timer went off. That's when Grandma would give Duke and me a piece of cooled-off cookie. One time Grandma missed the timer and I had to run back and forth a few times before she remembered the cookies were still in the oven.

Grandpa Bob's yard is great, too. It's hilly and has trees and a koi pond. Grandpa plays catch with Sammie and me. Sadie doesn't like catch very much. She'd rather try to get into the pond. She's a real water dog, except when water involves bathes.

After Grandpa and Grandma's house, my favorite places to go are the beach and the local school. The beach is one of my favorites because there are lots of smells to discover. My nose starts going about a mile a minute and I quiver with joy. People like to fuss over me at the beach, too. I also get to make new dog friends.

One time a young elephant seal pup swam in for a closer look at a retriever friend and me. That retriever chased that seal pretty far out into the ocean, trying to make friends. I kept up with him for awhile, until I realized the water was over my head.

The water never goes over my head at the local school. Unless Mommy or Daddy give me a drink from the water fountain! I like to go to the school because I can run forever and ever, playing keep away from Mommy and Daddy. They hardly ever catch me. Us Schnauzers are wily and quick. I chase them too. It's easy for me to catch them. Most humans are slow, except when they're eating. Darn it.

Being a dog, I really love food. Mostly, I prefer waffles, pizza crust, popcorn and beer. I know where my parents keep the waffle iron and if I hear the cabinet open, I go bananas. Daddy makes them on the weekend, while Mommy sleeps in. I'll sleep in with her on the bed until I hear that cabinet, then I scratch at the door and bark until someone lets me out. Usually, that someone is Mommy. She didn't need the sleep anyway.

I always know when it's the pizza guy at the door. I can smell that crust a mile away. When he come up the steps, I yip my happy yip and dance around the front door to let everyone know he's there. Who needs a doorbell? After the time I was given so much pizza crust I couldn't move, my family is careful to keep count and quit tossing crusts my way after three or four. Darn it.

Popcorn is a fun treat because my parents don't make it very often. But when they do, it's a big bowl. I used to jump into it when I was a puppy, but now I stand back. Mommy or Daddy will throw kernels in the air so I can catch them in my mouth. I love to do that with grapes, too.

The first day I was home with Jennifer and Allan, they joked that I must have been a barfly in my former life, that, or my German heritage was showing through. This was because I loved beer and nuts. Allan thought he was teaching me to stay away from both of them, but I lapped them up instead.

They have to be careful about leaving stuff (especially food) on the coffee table. See, I know anything on the floor is mine. So, if I want something on the coffee table, I just nudge it onto the floor with my nose. "Oh my goodness, how did that get there? Well, it's on the floor..."

Have you heard of Three Dog Bakery? It started in Kansas City and there are branches across the country. The owners, Dan Dye and Mark Beckloff, have written a couple of books. One, titled Short Tails and Treats from Three Dog Bakery is about Three Dog became successful and includes several tasty recipes. The cheese twists are similar to pizza crusts. I really like the cheese twists.

What I don't like are clicking noises, going to the groomer, vacuums, and cameras. Mommy and Daddy think I don't like clicking noises because clippers make that sound. I just know that when I hear that sound, I need to leave the room.

When I need my fur trimmed, my parents take me to Denise at the Pet Department. She is always very nice and gentle with me. I am very sensitive about my hindquarters though, so she has to muzzle me when it's time to trim my heinie.

Vacuums, however, are not nice at all. They are big, shiny, noisy monsters. I am absolutely terrified of them. When they are around, you will find me in the next state. Luckily, Mommy and Daddy don't use the vacuum much. They don't like it when I'm scared. Cameras may not scare me, but I don't like them anyway. That flash bulb blinds me and I don't get why my parents follow me around with it. So I stop whatever I'm doing and just stare until they go away. That works very well.

Well, now you know everything there is to know about me. You know that I'm a male Salt & Pepper, I like to talk, love to eat, and play games. I like visiting the beach, I have good dog friends and I hate clicking noises. If you know any female Miniature Schnauzers with similar interests, have them e-mail my parents at the address below. No joke. Really.